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[16 Oct 2006|07:56pm] I have started blogging elsewhere (http://jenreth.livejournal.com) although I'm sure it won't last post comment

[05 Aug 2006|04:25pm] http://championorganics.com.au/ post comment

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[23 May 2006|01:22am] It's thundering. Outside booming makes the windows shake like the freight trains do, but it's a soft, embracing sound. huge and slighly scary, like my father's embrace when I was really small. There are giants up in the clouds, and they mumble to one another, stirring about as they do so infrequently now. Because they don't get out often, their joints creak and groan as they slowly stir. The landscape is hushed, like it is so infrequently. A still calm. Crickets are out, an intimate chorus just for me. Everything is soft, gentle, new. I am huddled up in my man-made aquarium, and my feet are cold. Earlier the soft speckles and splashes of rain fell across the skylight above the armchair I was nestled into. It did not disturb me from my book. I feel calm. post comment

once again dear friends... [16 Jan 2006|10:48pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | Fight Club OST (Special Edition) ] i find myself again attempting this journal thingie. I think this time i won't pretend that it will succeed, or that it will end up as anything other than a place to massivly vent. But at least it will map my progress somewhat, so i don't end up wondering how i got this stressed (as i am, today) with no memory of the lead-up of events Anyway today. I got about an hours sleep. Dropped off at 2, woken up at 3 to go to market with dad, freezing cold all the way down. Market 'rich tapestry' as always, basically almost killed by crazy forklift drivres several times, and spent hours with wet feet from puddles, and ate cherries from the boxes while pretending to sample the quality. Actually slept a mere hour at home, must have dropped off, bumped into laurence before he left... Needless to say, did not get a hold of stavros before work, despite messages that he call me urgently. Managed to call him half an hour into work and get a hold of him, arranged to meet the next morning at 8am. ouch. Basically there is mould in one of the rooms and until it is fixed, i don't have a 3rd housemate. and we haven't signed a lease yet so we are out on our arses should the agent decide that it's too hard to be fixed. Work, as usual, long, tedious, borning as sin, i counted each second. Sure it's easy, but then the work at night is hard but fun. does it balance out? only my sanity will tell in the long run. I realized once again that i seem to try to be attaching myself without success to people who don't respond to my efforts to become friends. Which is crushing to my ego, because of course everyone has to like me. I seem to remember this a lot during my growing up years. I just can't seem to remember how to make decent friends anymore. it's been a while. but then again, who is to say what a friend is? I seem to have a collection with no idea how i got them, and no idea how to get more. in the meantime, they already think i'm unbalanced, so it can't hurt to stalk those i wish to attach myself to... Kharma seems to have a thing or two to teach me. Without going into much detail, massive blast from my past, big time. there could only really be one or two bigger, which i'm going to have to face up to eventually, but hopefully not as unexpected as this one. I have to comfort myself that it was in actuality pretty painless and i should adopt a not to worry approach... in the meantime i can only ponder on what the universe seems to be trying to tell me. I've had such a stressful time lately. Once theory is that the world is going to constantly throw things at me... there's no point waiting for it to go away or to settle down and instead i'm going need to learn how to get on with things while things burst into flame and lava around me. Because it seems that drama is what i surround myself with.... and i can't keep on blaming not getting things done on that. I'm going to have to start applying to tafe soon, that's a whole other ball game... I do have to consider the possibility that maybe the kharma thing is to balance out the insanely happy other part of my life. Surely i can't get away with feeling this good without having to balance it out with something truely awful... post comment

[20 Apr 2005|09:58pm] sometimes I have to wonder. does everyone have the factions in their heads that allow them to think like someone entirely different, while other parts of the psyche look on in shock and disgust? it can't really be so, or the entire population would be far more self-aware and self-indulgent. Possibly more understanding? or a higher rate of homocide? How is it that other people can't contemplate another way of thinking, even after concentrating really really really hard, and how is it that avenues of thought and thought processes are open to some people and not to others? in other news, I have to re-affirm that in no way am I a respectable teacher. I seem to have no patience, and can't understand why a child won't see it like I can. I suppose it's better to acknowlege this and make allowences rather than strangle or scarr some small individual before they get old enough to have a chance at doing it to themselves. would you trust your child into my care? I wouldn't. stay away! stay away! 2 comments|post comment

cirque du soleil [16 Apr 2005|11:58am] how to describe the undescribable? better not to try. you were right, I loved it. I have the program, marg got the mug. afterwards dinner in a nice restaurent in melbourne; funny to go into a non-family place with 7 of us, quite interesting. I ate the most expensive chicken ceaser salad I've ever had, and afterwards quite nice soya gelati. so there. post comment

btw... [14 Apr 2005|08:25pm] just thought I should mention that we're going to see cirque du soleil tomorrow night. I only found out about it the day before yesterday, but it's pretty big I feel. I also got my court summons, I need to be in wyong court 9.30 may 12th. thought you'd like to know... 1 comment|post comment

[31 Mar 2005|08:32pm] urgh. sorry about that. ARGH A CAT IS EATING MY HAND in the meantime, I'm in sydney tomorrow for a funeral. My grandfather died on monday morning. He slipped into unconsciousness on sunday night. I am now officially fatter and cheesier than ever. And covered in cat. The police are trying to get in contact with me, but not very hard. I don't know what this indicates. Surely if I was going to be thrown into jail there would be some more effort on their part to get hold of me? oh well. I have enough new material posessions to keep me satisfied, though the pace of my life has evened out and I have lost some momentum. I'm at the "what am I doing?" stage, where I feel like something is missing. At least though this time I'm identifying it. *sigh* well for the first time in my life I am living in a great environment, anything I need is provided and I'm considered useful and not a hinderence. Now if only I don't lose my liscence.... In other news, Melbourne seems like a great city and I wish I could see more of it. I'm going to cry so much at the funeral. how wrong was my horoscope today: Libra You're not quite sure what's gotten into you, and neither are your dear ones. All of a sudden, you're determined to win, no matter what the cost, and you're thinking twice before you open your mouth and let your true feelings slide out. No, it's certainly not typical, but it's not exactly out of character, either. After all, when was the last time -- or the first -- that anyone accused you of being timid? post comment

[23 Mar 2005|10:53pm] You scored as Buddhism. Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Buddhism. Do more research on Buddhism and possibly consider becoming Buddhist, if you are not already. In Buddhism, there are Four Noble Truths: (1) Life is suffering. (2) All suffering is caused by ignorance of the nature of reality and the craving, attachment, and grasping that result from such ignorance. (3) Suffering can be ended by overcoming ignorance and attachment. (4) The path to the suppression of suffering is the Noble Eightfold Path, which consists of right views, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right-mindedness, and right contemplation. These eight are usually divided into three categories that base the Buddhist faith: morality, wisdom, and samadhi, or concentration. In Buddhism, there is no hierarchy, nor caste system; the Buddha taught that one's spiritual worth is not based on birth. </td> Buddhism 83% agnosticism 83% Islam 75% Satanism 67% atheism 63% Christianity 54% Judaism 54% Paganism 50% Hinduism 42% Which religion is the right one for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.com scary scary stuff. first phone call to parents in some time. all my defences are down from living in such an accomodating environment. my head was bitten off, and I cried more than I argued, which is an improvement on my side. then dad called back to apologise. need to try and get money back from insurance and registration... today I: woke up. got kids out of house. entererd comps, talked to trace. watched tv. used stepping machine. cycled 2 kms. drove to see mat at athletics carnival. took him to maccas. cooked him toasted sandwiches. took mat and phil to tennis. went shopping. cooked a cake. cleaned the house. cooked dinner. picked margaret up from town. got kids into bed. ate cake, watched tv. now bed. 1 comment|post comment

Of cakes and things [21 Mar 2005|03:17pm] Well, here I am in sunny Victoria. *yawn* no, really it is. Well it was an hour ago, I swear. I was considering getting outside and exposing the vast whiteness of my legs to the atmosphere so I can try and get them to match the bronzed front… bronze, white, bronze white, oh, phone. Yeah, back to the discussion about my legs. Reminds me of those jokes… what’s black and white and red all over? Well that’s me… my aunt gave me one of those hair stripping things. I hate shaving. I hate waxing. You know those things that look like an electric razor but is actually works like heaps of tweezers? It stings like weird as BUT MY LEGS ARE SMOOTH. And… red. Yup. And all my clothes are in the wash… all the clothes I have in fact except for what I’m wearing and a nice top I haven’t work yet are in the wash. Thanks Sam, for not getting the rest of my clothes down here in time. You are Aten. You are constantly rejected and wish to finally be accepted for who you are and what you do. Don't worry, I understand you. Feel free to IM me if you need a friend. Which Egyptian God Are You? brought to you by Quizilla Well now. I have cake mixture all over me. Not to mention flour… and… and… now a small dog has walked into the room and is trying to lick my ankle where, honestly, I hadn’t noticed the cake mixture had got too. I *should* be going to the shops to buy more supplies, except that Bronwyn came home from school sick and Phillip is due any second… so I don’t know if an empty house is a great idea. Better have some more berocca. Planning quiche for tea, so overall it’s been quite a baking day. However convincing the children to actually eat it will be interesting. They don’t like pretty much all of the ingredients listed therein… oh well. Time to ransack the freezer for a back-up plan. And pastery. post comment

[21 Dec 2004|11:59pm] [ mood | weird ] [ music | Rjd2 - Cut Out To Fl ] So at the moment I feel like I'm sort of stuck in a rut. Last week was kinda aweful, I was sad AND stuck in a rut, but at least now I'm feeling better... and stuck in a rut. I guess all year long I've said I'll be leaving for Scotland, or at least moving on... feeling that I was better than those around me somehow becuase I would be escaping, and doing something that I felt deserved a capitol in the books of Achievement - I achieved that. I like ot say "I've done this, therefor my life hasn't been wasted". I suppose at the moment I'm sitting here wondering which of the two parts of me is real, which of them is imagined, or if I'm imagining two seperate parts alltogether. It's all a part of working out who I am, and what I want. At the moment, I don't know what I want. One part of me says there's nothing wrong with that, I should just be enjoying life as it comes anyway and stop worrying about the end result. The other part of me says this is avoidance tactics, and I should get my act together, work out who I am, what I want, and go out and do it. It would be a lot easier if two conflicting pieces of advice that could be applied to this comes from the same person (get your act together, work out what you want, work out who you are, enjoy the ride and stop worrying about the end result) Many spend so long thinking they will find the road to paradise, what they don't realize is that paradise is the road itself.   Last night was work's staff party. Bartenders having a party in a bar. do you think we stayed after everyone else was kicked out and the doors locked, and large amounts of alcohol were consumed? You bet there were. I drove home drunker than I have ever before, thanks to being so insanely bored. I put $5 into the jukebox and every single song I chose they skipped over. I danced badly for some moments and left my secret santa present there. I wish I had memorized some cocktail so I could make them myself. but by that stage  was so out of it... I am so over working there, you have no idea. 2 comments|post comment

Quick insight [18 Dec 2004|01:58pm] [ mood | quixotic ] [ music | RJD2 - June ] I was mocked on thursday for saying that I ride to think. They likened it to thining while driving; you can't, or shouldn't. but I drive and think. I have the inner monologue running on overdrive, walking through things and sorting things out. in the 2 mins I have before I need to go to work (it's now 1.48) I wanted to share that I have made some progress on the funk I was in on thursday, and the weird mood that has stuck with me somewhat. Is there such a word in engligh as entendre? in french it means, "to hear" but I'm sure I've used it in an engligh conversation somewhere. Anyway, I'm feeling bored. I have no new "thing". You know me. I need something new and exciting to pour my obsessive energy into every so often. I've given up on Wish Horse, which used to take all that excess brain power, but now I don't really have anything. The problem is that it needs to be a intriguing, but not too complicated or challenging or I'll end up pouring everythig I have into it and being drained, or giving up before I've got anywhere. And it will stop me from pouring all that energy (spare brain workings) into stalking Jon, which is very dangerous and he'll think I'm an idiot. And if I'm distracted from him, then when he calls me every day it'll be a nice suprise rather than me expecting him to call and then getting all upset becasue he didn't or it's late or I missed it or anything... he's not obligated to call me. There you go Clare, this gets an ARGH! but at least it was caused by my own brain conceiving complications and issues that arn't really there. post comment

[17 Dec 2004|01:31pm] [ mood | Hung Over ] [ music | Groove Armada - Raisin' The Stakes ] An interesting day, as always. High-pressure water hoses are so much fun, although my arms vibrated for an hour afterwards because I used it for so long (so much fun though!) My first attempt at handball since year 10 didn't put me completely to shame, I even managed to unintentionally cheat. Damn people and their zigzag moving system, what's wrong with good old fashioned snaking your way up to ace/king? The ride turned out okay. I suppose I woke up in a bit of a funk and it stayed with me all day. Jon got quite freaked out I think...Riding, I go into my own world, totally, and having him gatecrashing it with soul searching questions does not help one bit, of course I'm going to close up and get offended. I managed to leave my shoes, trousers and phone there after my ride nethertheless. I drove back to get it late after work... I didn't want to have to go anywhere the following day, and I need my phone! And of course I ran out of petrol just after pulling out of James's. It was 12.40 in the morning... I wasn't going to wake them all up. So I walked and ran the 4 kms to Jon's, because I knew Andrew was there too. It was such a beautiful night! And it was exactly what I needed. I arrived in such a good mood 40 mins later, after jumping into a few ditches and jumping through a few fences - some truckies had gathered under a streetlight (the only one) half way and were trying to give me a lift, so in fear of them following me, I jumped into a ditch... hehe. Needless to say I didn't sleep much... And this morning had another one of those scary intense conversations when we woke up. I've let him into me head and he's seen the mess it's in... for ages now I've been around people who either know about it but have let it lie, or I haven't let anyone in at all. He's not the sort who lets it lie though, so he's hassling and pressuring me to get my act together... work out who I am again, stop burying my head in the sand, that kind of stuff. The only thing I'm worried about at the moment is that he'll get scared off. I know he won't. But I'm still scared. Which is part of the problem. But as he said, would it be worth it if it were easy?   We are getting our kitchen re-done and there are half naked men running about in it. Hey, I'M disturbed. You're The Guns of August! by Barbara Tuchman Though you're interested in war, what you really want to know is what causes war. You're out to expose imperialism, militarism, and nationalism for what they really are. Nevertheless, you're always living in the past and have a hard time dealing with what's going on today. You're also far more focused on Europe than anywhere else in the world. A fitting motto for you might be "Guns do kill, but so can diplomats." Take the Book Quiz at the Blue Pyramid. AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH. you were saying? and hey! there's nothing wrong with Cholera! post comment

Slinking guiltily back to my first and one true love [16 Dec 2004|12:51am] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | RJD2 - Ghostwriter ] My arm is going to fall off. No, be serious. Stop laughing.   Meanwhile, I don't really have a clue what's happened to me. I seem to have lost all direction and motivation, possibly caused by being out of schooling so long and not having deadlines and assignments that require distraction from (nothing like procrastination to get everything else done). I've had quite possibly the weirdest week I've had in a long long time. The best ride on Saturday, followed by being threatened and abused that night, Jon getting punched, picking my brother up at Terrigal at 2am, moving beds around, a freak freak FREAKISH storm on Sunday... I can't emphasize how freakish this storm was. Seeing Jon far, far too much, and yet wanting to see him more. How can a person who I didn't know two months ago understand me so well? I have an exciting new book, a much smaller bed, a clean room and air conditioning coming on Monday... and a new kitchen on Friday. The other day I drew up my list of priorities. Luckily friends and social/family life isn't listed, because they can be fitted in around my other commitments... 1) health 2) work at club 3) work at Anna’s 4) riding   however I thought it was about time that I get some goals together...   Big disappointment this week is woosing out of carols. The simple matter is that my rash is bugging me, I'm working on conserving my energy, and if I go to carols it will effectively cost me $180. The shift I'll need to swap will earn me $150, and I'll need about $30 for the day itself - actually more now. A lot more. And what with Christmas...   so some goals. At the moment there is very little I'm actually aiming for... no, really. not a blasted thing. so I suppose I'd better start small, and think about it for a week or so, see what I come up with.   So far I have:   Goal: Work at becoming a good rider. How? Ride more. Accept instruction from Jon. Possibly hit him afterwards. This could be allowed, he deserves it after tickling me so frequently and unexpectedly (and mercilessly)   Huzzah. My life has purpose again.   I'm assuming at some point to add an artistic and work gaol. They are the three main areas in my life at the moment.   Argh. It's almost 1am. Damn this compulsion to write. post comment

[09 Nov 2004|01:23am] [ music | Blur - On The Way To The Club ] Yes, yes, I know. It's been a long time. So much has happened, I don't really want to go through every titchy niggling detail. Urgh! Last night was one of the few mondays I've worked in the past months. It was quite weird, and very scary at one point when a punter got rowdy - and stayed rowdy for several hours. He wasn't violent or agressive enough to warrent being thrown out or the cops called... I asked if the patron of the club, andrew, who is a lovely lovely bloke, coud try and get him out... it turns out thay he escorted the guy home (they were both on bikes) and the guy rolled his bike several times... so andrew ended up driving him on his bike... and they hit a wombat and andrew broke his leg. Not only that, but they ended up at Jame's place, unable to get ri do the guy, waking up James and Nathan and Belinda, and pissing off Andrew's girlfriend because she had no idea where he was... The guy was a total arse, it's a huge mess, I found out this afternoon when I went over to James's for a ride. And the night ended on such an upper too, with only $4 missing. $4? that's incredible. usually there's some huge mess where I'm $1900 under or $899 over or equally inbelievable. So I left pretty happy - apart from that one guy in the afternoon (I didn't know what would happen later) it was an excellent afternoon/night. Neil and Mat came in too - Neil, who I suspect has been trying to chat me up for some time bugged me for details (Mat too) about Nate and I, and I refused to say anything... anything at all. So they called Nate, who said we're getting married in three weeks. After what happened on Sunday. Neil said he was going to make a move on his (Nate's) chick... I'd love to know what Nate said to him, if they really spoke even. But did I ask this afternoon when I went round? No. I was instead struck dumb, not even able to mention it or look at him. I was completely unaware that he'd be home, and didn't realize why until they related what had happened to Andrew the night before and that morning (at three am) and without an employer for a while, Nate will be there... It was one of the most uncomfortable situations I have been in for a long time. I didn't even end up riding, I had so been counting on him not being there that I had devided no strategem at all... nothing. My brain melted and I was left with nothing, no defences at all. So I drove off, perhaps tomorrow if I sit quietly at home and don't move about much, a whole day will pass when I don't see him. Then I can start on a plan (or at least figure one out) Now I have to make a chocolate pudding. Why did I volunteer for this? And why did I have to smoke after I volunteered, when I knew I only had a few hours before I'd have to start? woe, woe woe. The boy will be the end of me. post comment

[18 Oct 2004|05:56am] [ mood | dying ] [ music | Belle & Sebastian ] Laptop Loaners Every year in November, National Novel Writing Month loans out a small stable of laptops to computerless participants. In their hands, these clunky old laptops, donated by past participants, are reborn as a magical machines, ones that transform would-be writers into unstoppable novel-writing maestros. Our laptop library is currently in great shape. If you are interested in checking a machine out from the library, read on! Because of our chronic laptop shortage, only a small percentage of participants interested in checking out a computer are able to do so. For this reason, we're pretty picky about who gets the computers we do have. To check out a computer you must: 1) Be a registered NaNoWriMo participant. 2) Have no computer of your own at home. 3) Cover shipping both ways, pay a $10 library fee, and provide a $500 deposit check (which will be voided and returned to you as soon as we get the computer back). 4) Write a novel in November. Those who check out computers and fail to write at least 50,000 words during NaNoWriMo will be hunted down by the library's aviary of flying, guilt-wielding monkeys. Please do not make us send out the monkeys, as they tend to get disoriented on their way home and are expensive to replace. 5) Return the computer by December 15. Also, computer-borrowers should keep in mind the fact that these are remarkably un-sleek machines. You will not be able to get online with them, the batteries will be dead or non-existent (so you'll have to plug them in), and small children will likely point and stare at you as you type. If you'd like to check out a machine for the 2004 event, please send your name, email address, and mailing address to Rowan, our Laptop Librarian. She'll be assigning laptops to their temporary foster homes on October 18th. 1 comment|post comment

Same here, but with names reversed [04 Sep 2004|06:15am] [ mood | touched ] ahh yes, with who else would I share woes and trade prissy advice? and not fear judgement, as long as the scollops and ketchup flow? post comment

[31 Aug 2004|11:48pm] [ mood | quixotic ] [ music | futurama ] alice says: I fall in love easily? alice says: remember I fell in love with the back of someone's head once Bathmat says: In the bookshop! alice says: yes alice says: and his backpack Bathmat says: I love that story alice says: hey, it could have been a wonderful tale of love and romance! alice says: as it was, he walked out and I got lost in borders post comment

I GET TO KILL THE OLSEN TWINS!!! [24 Aug 2004|11:53pm] [ mood | curious ] [ music | Muscle Museum - Muse ] What stupid celebrity are you destined to kill? by daydreamer8852 Name Birthdate You killed With a On February 9, 2022 Quiz created with MemeGen! post comment

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